We’ve been reminded ad nauseum since the time we could understand the concept of waiting, that that is exactly what we need to do to succeed. Along with working hard as hard as you can.

The concept of delayed gratification is something I’ve never quite been comfortable with. But the kids made me realise why and here’s why I say that.

“Good things come to those who wait, you need to keep persevering even when things get hard and you don’t like what you are doing.” But I think on some level all parents want their kids to embrace this mantra, thought admittedly to different extents.

The thing I found most interesting when working with the kids was the way they responded when they couldn’t get to do something they wanted. Some cried and sprawled on the floor until they someone carried them away, some accepted the teacher’s authority and moved on reluctantly to whatever they were instructed to do. But the smartest kids always threw a fit for a while in the hope that they’d get their way. However, once they’d realised the teacher would not have any of their shenanigans, they’d slink of to do what they were told avoiding a scolding. Then, they’d find a new way to make a game of whatever they were told to do and they’d express such enthusiasm about it that they’d be able to persuade all their friends (even the goody-two-shoes) to join in.

So while the circumstances had forced them to delay their enjoyment of play time to do some work, they’d managed to find a way to make work fun.

Seems straightforward right? Then why does this become harder as we get older? Why do we find it harder and harder to make mundane tasks more enjoyable?

It is because of what happens after the child has found a way to make something boring fun. The authoritative figure (teacher) steps in and tells the child off for ‘not focusing’ on his work.

Ironically, years later, probably in the child’s mid-teens, he will be told by a teacher/parent/other figure of authority that it is up to him to find a way to make menial work interesting, and he will mull over why he finds this so hard.

I guess what I’m really struggling to understand is why if countless studies suggest that play is the best way to learn in early childhood, we continue to insist that the two ultimately remain separate ideas, all in the name of discipline of course. While it’s true that ‘learning through play’ is the current most fashionable way to teach young children, it is hard for play to be authentic with the guided methods such a pedagogy often promotes.

And maybe this is the real reason why gratification continues to be something that must be delayed for many. Because as much as we’d like to believe otherwise, we find it difficult to associate satisfaction with anything but the end reward- monetary, physical or even maybe the ‘sweet taste of accomplishment’ that comes only at the end of finishing something.

I believe it is only recently that the idea of enjoying the process has become increasingly popular, but even then the end reward continues to be the preferred mind-set. It’s understandable, because it is much easier to feel validated by the end achievement than the intangible gratification or a process. And it’s also easier to forget the gratification of the process, if the end result is undesirable.

What I’m trying to say is that what I’ve learnt is that we are our own enemies, in more ways that we can consciously recognise at times. If you find yourself finding it hard to explain why you’re so hard on yourself (as much as you’d like to deny it) it’s probably something you learnt as a child.

But also other people and what they teach you when you’re a kid are greater enemies. And I’d like to believe that from now on children will learn that it’s okay to just have fun when working not despite the results but in spite of them; that the happiness should not be the reward but the fact that they have found a way to enjoy the mundane.

The realist in me accepts that this is impossible, but I do hope that the grown-up versions of four-year-olds everywhere will one day at least appreciate the reason behind their own complex.

PAST • FUTURE