The unanshed truth is that countless hours of speaking with ( or being spoken to by) all sorts of professionals and I still couldn't articulate the sentiment the writer expressed in two simples lines.

“There’s so much pain(around me),” says Charlie. “And I don’t know how not to notice it."

Maybe it's because I quickly realised that I was a lot smarter than most of the aforementioned professionals but I knew they would still talk to me in the way they'd been taught was appropriate to deal with every other teenager.

But I really do feel that this is the reason why I get so emotiona( not necessarily negative emotions) over people and issues so quickly. Sadly, I've been told so many times that I have issues with emotional resilience that I started to believe their stupid dismissals. The truth is,there are very few people who I consider to be stronger than myself.

But I digress. While I'm being completely honest I'd like to confess that a lot of the time I don't hear what people say. Maybe it's because when I was younger and started becoming acutely aware of the frustration, anxiety and deep unhappiness of others I started to block my thoughts about what I observed. I did it so often that I now I sometimes don't notice people calling me from across the room until they come over and comment on how 'blur' I am( in a completely good-natured way).

Now I wonder, what would have happened if someone had just told me I was really observant, that it's not a bad thing, but that I shouldn't let others' pain get me down. Were the talks about resilience really necessary or even relevant?

I'd just like to tell anyone who's been told that they worry too much that you must not let anyone let you believe that is a weakness or flaw. You are a thinker and you are clever.

These days I wait until late at night to type my posts. Because the more people tell me they like what I write and when I see the view-count rising I become aware of how afraid I am of how what I write next will be received. But writing honestly is simpler by night. It is like being drunk on the still air and moonlight-all inhibitions are lowered.

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