It's e-learning week so I have been spending a dispropotionate amount of time in my pyjamas staring at the computer screen listening to recorded lectures Facebooking. It's great that I don't have to go to school but e-learning is really not my thing. Basically I go nuts if I'm left to fester in my own thoughts for too long.

Which is why I was actually feeling a lot better after a 4-hour long Japanese Studies group project discussion in school today. It's nice to talk to people. Even if it is most unfortunately about work. I think we all have some sort of world that we create in our minds. Some of us live in it more than others. I live in my world a lot, replaying events and ideas in my mind a lot. That's why it's important to me to go out and talk to other people or at least get out of 'my world' into the real world. Today was good though. Good work, good company. Here's a fancy Instagrammed photo of the books we picked out for research from the Central Library. Don't know why I took a picture of what is essentially a pile of books but it's pretty so I shall post it here for posterity.

In news that is not school-related, I have been wanting to write some short stories and maybe send the good ones for competitions but I am experiencing an intense and prolonged bout of writer's block. I think it all started after I wrote a story for one competition. It was really near the deadline so I was working round the clock to finish it and I thought it was actually pretty good. Okay fine, I'll just admit I thought it was brilliant my best work yet. But then I misread some of the guidelines for submission and realised my entry would be disqualified before any judge would have the chance to read it. Since then I haven't been able to write anything. And it's been a couple of MONTHS already. I know I could always just enter the piece into another competition and the chance of me being placed at all was very slim in the first place. I know, I know, it doesn't fully make sense to me either. Maybe I'm just really sour because I didn't read the rules and wasted a good opportunity.

I think it's because I was suddenly acutely aware of how steep the learning curve is for me in terms of writing. There is a lot to learn about writing well and how can I ever write a good poem if I can't even read most poems well. I guess a part of me recognises these are natural fears for any beginner but, recognition of anxieties does not make them any less frightening. Of course anxiety shouldn't stop me from doing what I want (in theory). But then again how much do I want to write? I think it's good to question how badly we want things sometimes. Because it gives us the chance to decide we don't want something badly enough to spend so much time on it.

People tell me I'm a good writer. Personally I think I'm just better at expressing emotions in words that a lot of people my age. I don't have a fantastic vocabulary or excellent creative style I'm just good at writing honestly. Perhaps people appreciate this because they know it is scary to be honest in a world where impressions count and can cost one heavily.

I just think artsy people have it harder. When I tell people that I intend to major in Literature, they either think I'm going to end up begging on the street like a hobo or that I am a genius. I exaggerate only slightly. The point is almost nobody I've met so far has felt that this is a 'normal' subject to pursue. I mean as a basis of comparison, if someone said they were studying Business or something like that nobody would really be taken back by it but if you said you were studying Literature people almost always have a follow-up question. Okay I know I'm not really say anything that is surpising or hasn't already been lamented in some form before but I just had to get it allllllllll out. Maybe I'm just fussing too much and I should just wait until I feel like writing again.

OH I JUST REMEMBERED THAT SOMETHING GOOD HAS COME OUT OF THE TECHNOLOGICAL NIGHTMARE THAT IS E-LEARNING.

I've never really taken notice of Youtubers who do covers of songs but I clicked on a link to a cover of Justin Bieber's Beauty and a Beast because anything is better than Justin Bieber and I discovered Chrissy Costanza and her band. And their collaborations with Sam Tsui, Alex Goot and Kurt Schneider( basically Youtube people).

MY EARDRUMS ARE THANKING ME. I mean I honestly can't remember the last time I listened to some mainstream popsong and was able to hear all the lyrics clearly. Their covers are all so clean( yes, this is about the extent of my music-critiqueing abilities) and soothing to the ears.Maybe it's because they can all actually sing and there's no need to cover up any lack of ability with a in-your-face instrumentals. And also I watched Chrissy Costanza's videos where she's talking to her fans and I thought: Hey, this girl is really cool and relatable. My faith in modern mainstream music is now restored. But seriously go check this out. [Okay for some reason I can't upload the link here! But you can just search Chrissy Costanza Heart Attack cover]

Let's assume you already watched the video and are suitably in awe.

HOW MUCH BETTER THAN THE ORIGNAL WAS IT. Also, someone asked me to post more photos. Actually I often want to post photos of my family and friends or pictures of me and my boyfriend but then I don't know if some of them won't like it and it's too much trouble I'm too lazy to ask them every time I want to post a photo. And also I guess I don't wanna involve the people I care about on a public space where the opinions I air are not always things they agree with. But so I shall phot of my dog. Because dogs are cute and neutral creatures. And also if you say anything mean about a dog then you are just sad.

I'll write again soon! Thanks for reading. :)

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