I have to admit that I am quite upset at the time I am writing this post.  The reason is that control is really something I am struggling with right now. It is true that I am a type-A personality. I like to leave the house half an hour earlier just so I can reach school 15 minutes before class starts even if I'm really tired. I don't function without a to-do list and I would probably break down if I went more than two days doing nothing productive. This habit has extended to my relationships with people and frankly destroying them. I am always have this image in my  mind  of others and myself that is impossible to  reach. But the allure of the image is powerful and I find it hard to let go of my feelings sometimes. In the process, I impose these standards on others and I hurt people. And then in the aftermath, I realise that if I had stopped focusing on the negative, I would have been able to see how wonderful these people really are. I have a blind spot for the good things in my life unfortunately. Another word people use to explain the phenomenon I describe is being ungrateful. The greatest irony is that I can't control this need to control very well yet. And I am scared because how long are these nice people going to put up with this until they get tired? That is why tonight I have to admit that I am rather vulnerable and miserable. I hope tomorrow will be a better day and that I won't feel like such a bad person anymore.

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